he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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