i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
