It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As shirtless as possible
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
