$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
