I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
