Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
