there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
