HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i came on her dog
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
