I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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