dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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