the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
