so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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