i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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