okay pat passed out under dana's car
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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