he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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