Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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