So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
