I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
