It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Did I show you my penis last night?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
