Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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