my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
