The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
