everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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