i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
