Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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