dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
