Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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