i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
