i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
