If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
