I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.