i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.