I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza