Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.