I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
