He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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