I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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