he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
