I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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