Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she looked like the before picture.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
