I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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