Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
