his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
