Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
