I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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