singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
