youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
