just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is Oprah even human
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
