That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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