I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
