He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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