I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
