Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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