hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just want nice things and good sex
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
