I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
