I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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