i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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