maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
