Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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